An Open Letter to Paris Hilton

Dear Paris,

I already miss the good old days when you were in the slammer. The day they locked you up, I could practically hear the satisfying clash of metal on metal as the doors to your cell slammed shut. "Why?" someone might ask, "what do you have against gentle Paris? She's never done anything to you!" Very true. Regardless, there are a number of things about you, Paris, that chap my ass. First and foremost, your questionable taste in fashion:















Seriously? What's going on here?









Also, your shockingly poor decision-making skills. But the thing about you that really vexes me (yeah, I figured you'd need a little help with that one) is the fact that you're famous. I am utterly flabbergasted by the notion that anyone actually gives a shit about your daily comings-and-goings. I was so relieved when they locked you up. I thought that maybe, just maybe, for three weeks, I'd be able to open my internet browser and see a headline other than something to the effect of "Paris's Dog Poops Image of Virgin Mary: Thousands Make Pilgrimmage to Beverly Hills". Sadly, I was mistaken. Instead of three weeks of quiet, we first get barraged with the tantrum you threw when you realized that jail actually sucks. Now that you're out, the paparrazzi can't get enough! I, however, can. And I have.

Paris, do you have any actual talents (no, doing body shots doesn't count. Neither does pole dancing.)? You have demonstrated that you are inept at virtually every artistic disclipline - singing, acting, the visual arts and the written word. What is it that you do? I mean, even Lindsey Lohan squeezes in some acting when she's not blowing lines off strippers' boobs. Exactly why, then, are you famous? You aren't remarkably cute, or funny. In fact, you appear to have no outstanding qualities (with the exception of an excess of both time and money). One last question: On your tax return, where you list your profession, does your accountant have to write "Drain on Society"?

Okay, that was mean, and I'm kind of sorry. But truly, I really do think that you should take a break from the spotlight. Take a vacation. A looooong vacation. Hey, I hear Siberia is nice this time of year! Or, take some of Daddy's money and put it to good use - go over to Africa and help Angelina and Brad in their effort to adopt the entire continent. I know it's hot and dirty over there, but hey, it's better than jail, right? Just think about it, okay? For me?

Yours in bad catch-phrases,
Meg

GO SEE THIS: This Ain't Your Granddaddy's Cartoon

[I decided that my template was lame and boring so - - KA-POW! MUCH prettier! Many thanks, Blogger!]

So last night, my boyfriend scored us tickets to an advance screening of "Surf's Up". I wasn't overly excited to see it, to be honest. Actually, the idea of watching a 6pm kids' movie at a theater in New York kind of sends shivers down my spine.
















But, I tagged along anyway, thinking that if it really sucked, I could always leave (heck, it was free, right?). (As it turns out, it was on the Upper West Side, so if anything, the 7 year-olds populating the theater were probably more mature and sophisticated than me.)

The film began pretty promptly, and about 20 minutes into it, I was surprised to realize that I was actually enjoying myself. It was pretty darn good! Nothing too original as far as plot goes - think "Karate Kid" meets "Happy Feet" - your typical feel-good-while-learning-a-lesson buddy film. But the actors who voiced the characters did a really great job (I should disclose here that I am partial to Jeff Bridges and Shia LaBeouf [dude I actually spelled that right on my first try, I feel like I deserve a prize or something]), and the animation was fantastic. When I say "fantastic", I mean amazing. The characters were incredibly life-like, and the surf scenes were so good, I forgot I was watching animation.

It's being marketed as a kids' movie, but I would say it's an older kids' movie. While there were no really scary sequences, some of the jokes were in the "wow, did they just go there?" category, also the documentary-style format and overall themes might be a little over the 'lil ones' heads. Personally, I left the theater ready to grab my surf board (oh that's right, I don't have one...). Not only did it unexpectedly raise my spirits, in my opinion, it raised the bar for animated features.