Liveblogging - Viewing of "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen"

10.25 pm - A couple minutes in.  Something about a caveman getting squished by a Decepticon.  Now we're in China, and the Autobots are helping Army guys with something and blowing things up.  Fancy bridge explosion.  Optimus Prime should consider doing movie trailer voice-overs.

10.27 pm - I guess that Sam kid is going to college.  Why is he so tan?

10.30 pm - Megan Fox apparently hasn't taken any acting lessons since the last Transformers.

  Ooh!  Sam found a Cube sliver (from the last one!  Remember the last one?  I do, vaguely!) that is making his toaster evil.  Why didn't it have this effect if it was in his house the whole time..?  And why is he so freakin' tan??

10.32 pm - Bumblebee!  And why does Megan Fox's character wear lip gloss to work?  She works at a garage, right?  

10.34 pm - Why is Sam breaking up with Bumblebee?  Bumblebee is awesome.  "You'll always be my first car" - whatever, Sam!  They all say that!

10.37 pm - Megan has the cube.  Boring stuff.  Army guys.  Autobot slapstick (not funny).  Ooh!  Fancy space explosion, I hope?  Ugh, no.  Decepticons just stealing satellite information.  Sigh.

10.40 pm - Optimus Prime should really consider voice-overs.  "Coming...to a theater near you." 

10.42 pm - Oh snap.  That guy just totally gave the Decepticons the exact location of Megatron.  Also a detailed briefing on the security surrounding him.  NICE ONE, GUY!

10.44 pm - Seriously?  Sam's college roommates have turned their dorm room into some kind of amateur TMZ headquarters.  My dorm room wasn't big enough to do a full jumping jack.  

10.49 pm - Oooh.  Shiny tiger!  Appears that Shiny Tiger is a Decepticon.  And he's at an army base doing something eeeeevil with shiny silver marbles...that turned into shiny evil bugs!  Lots of them!  They appear to be better with computers than the IT guy at my work.

10.51 pm - Frat party.  Also don't remember college being like this.  The frat house is like a cool bar/lounge.  Uh oh!  Some other hot chick is macking on Sam!  And he's leaving Megan allllll alooone!  On the upside, Bumblebee is back!  Hot chick is also unnaturally tan and now Sam has stood up the GF for their slightly-skeevy-sounding "webcam" date.  

10.56 pm - It's suddenly daytime.  Graveyard chat w/ Optimus Prime.  Sam leaves things a 'lil awkward with the OP.  There's a boat, and some fake-looking octopuses (octopi?).  Oooh, I get it.  The Decepticons are busting Megatron out of the joint (which is under the sea).  Word.  How is he not rusty?  He's been in a moist environment for, like, three years.  He's made out of metal, right?

11.01 pm - Wait, Megatron has a boss?  

Oooh, Dwight from "The Office" is playing Sam's astronomy professor!  I hope he got a good day rate for this.  Rut-ro!  Sam is losing his shizz!  Good twitchy face, tho!  Well at least one thing hasn't changed since I was in college - first semester meltdowns!  Woot!

11.05 pm - Clumsy Decepticon.  With a Bronx accent?  It's the Joe Pesci Deceptcion.

11.10 pm - Oops.  Turns out Hot Chick was actually...wait for it...wait for it...a Decepticon!  She exploded out of her human body into a horrifying robot.  And actually that was an improvement over the crusty fake tan she was rockin'.  What's up with the TAAAAAANS??

11.12 pm - Hot chick Decepticon is blowing up the library!  Ha!  Too bad there's still the Internet, slackers!  Get back to work on those term papers!

11.13 pm - We're bringing Sam's roommate into the mix.  He's a salty Latino.  Ooh!  Car gets sawed in half.  I'm yawning.  The Decepticons got Sam!  They should go at him first with some lemon juice and salt, this tan situation is really bugging me.  Instead, they choose the boring route and stick a probe down his throat and try to saw his head open.  Again with the saw...

11.17 pm - Hello, Autobots!  Bumblebee and OP to the rescue.  Sweet fight between Megatron and OP.  It's in a forest, so they're breaking some trees.  Sam does a cheesy leap.  Maybe he's been taking Corny Stunt Manoeuvres 101 in college (Prof Nicholas Cage).

11.19 pm - No, OP!  Don't try to take on all the Decepticons by yourself!  NOOO!  Where's Bumblebee?  Wait - DID THEY JUST KILL OFF OPTIMUS PRIME????!?  WTF, Michael Bay!

11.21 pm - I can't believe they just killed off Optimus Prime!  And now Megatron's Boss is coming??  This movie sucks.

11.23 pm - Are those douche Decepticons in NYC?  Why does every action movie director/writer feel the urge to destroy my home?  This seems unfair.  What's wrong with St. Louis or Detroit?

11.26 pm - Ooh the Decepticons are coming outta the closet!  Oh gawd.   Again with the "silly" Autobots.  Ha.  Yeah, this isn't Toy Story.  Enough with the kiddie humor.  

11.29 pm - * Tear * They drop OP off like some kind of cash-for-clunker trade-in.  Again, what's with the TANS??  And why did they take Fergie's husband's character's badge?

11.37 pm - Something with a deli guy..with a top secret lair under his deli.  Sorry, I went to smoke and missed something.  Deli guy is unnaturally tan as well - is the color off on my TV or something?  Oooh we're bringing back the Joe Pesci Decepticon.  And now we're off to Washington D.C.  

11.42 pm - The new guy!  Poop jokes and fun with tasers!  Breaking into the Smithsonian.  Personal update - growing...bored.  Getting...sleepy.  Oh!  They woke up a grouchy, British (?) Decepticon!  With a beard..?  He's like Gordon Ramsey, as a Decepticon.

11.47 pm - Wait - is Megatron's boss's name The Fallen?  And I think they leaped to the Middle East?  Oh it's Egypt.  Oh, so this Decepticon is actually an Autobot.  He decided he didn't like the negativity of the Decepticons.  Nice.

11.50 pm - Oh, I see.  Yes, Megatron's boss's name is actually...The Fallen.  Sigh.  That makes this whole movie that much less interesting.  And it was already only mildly interesting.  Sigh sigh.

11.52 pm - Did someone say this movie was hella long?  Like 2 1/2 hours?  Oh the new kid's name is Leo.  Getting sleepy...

11.58 pm - Still not finding those "comic relief" Autobots very funny.  So, they may be able to bring Optimus Prime back to life!  How is it possible for Megan Fox to have perfect lip gloss on ALL THE TIME??  I can barely keep it on for 30 minutes.

12.01 am - I feel like I've given this little project all I've got to give.  I'm bored and ready to go to bed.  This movie is way too long.  It has poorly written dialogue (jokes are only funny about 35% of the time), and overly complicated plot, and I'm completely uninvested in the well-being or fates of ANY of these characters.  

Except Bumblebee and Optimus Prime.

The Vegan Experiment: Days 4 & 5

I have to admit - I was a little lax these last two days of this experiment when it came to documenting my progress. The reason will become clear momentarily.

Day 4

I mentioned before that I had an event to attend this evening. I was looking forward to it, but I knew it would be a challenge to stay with my vegan diet. Challenge?! I had no idea...

Breakfast - Since I had a feeling dinner would be spare (at best), I decided to indulge myself a little by starting my day with an Amy's Tofu Scramble pocket. To be fair, I had eaten these before. I recommend them to ANYONE - carnivores and herbivores alike! Srambled tofu may not sound too appetizing, but it is amazing (and 100% vegan).

Lunch - I had been waiting all week to try a sandwich from Uncle Marky's Organics, a nearby sandwich shop that caters to vegetarians. I figured there was no time like the present, so I ordered a tofu BLT (grilled tofu, tempeh "bacon", lettuce, tomato and vegan mayo on multi-grain bread). It was surprisingly fantastic! I was dubious when I placed the order, as I had tried tempeh before and found it to be...well, honestly, gross and really dry. I was relieved to be wrong!

Dinner - I filled up as much as I could before leaving work for the event at the library. Almonds, fruit, some Pop Chips.

I got to the library, found my co-workers sitting with Frank (who had abandoned the vegan experiment for the evening) and sat down. The appetizers and drinks started to circulate - foie gras, caviar, cheese balls, and little mounds of thinly cut roast beef circled the room, but I sat tight with my white wine and sparkling water (eyeballing Frank jealously the whole time, as he mowed his way happily through every appetizer that passed our table). When we finally moved to the room where the dinner was to take place, I was already starting to feel...well, I'll say it - a little tipsy.

Upon being seated, I noticed there was a small dinner roll waiting for at each of our places. I tore into it while our appetizer course was being served - tomato, mozerella, and basil salad. Sigh. I tossed my mozzerella over to Frank (he gave me his tomatoes, mercifully) and had some more wine. The wait staff was very accomodating - when the main course was served (salmon! my favorite!), they provided me and the other vegetarian at the table with the veggie dish, which consisted of a handful of string beans, some carrots and a lovely corn souffle (yes, cheese and cream, had to skip that). Also, the Wine Fairies circling the place had managed to refill my glass several times on the sly, so by the time I had eaten my 5 beans and 3 carrots, I was thoroughly pickled.

Staggering out of the lovely, classy New York Public Library (with the help of Frank, who gallantly kept his "I told you so"s to himself) was not my finest moment. I had held fast to my guns, but ended up shooting myself in the foot with them (in this particular case).

Day 5

This day was a bit of a blur. After the evening's events, I was feeling, ahem, a little under the weather. I did not waver, though. Instead of ordering a hangover remedy (I have to admit, a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich sounded really good), I sucked it up and ordered a salad for lunch. Even though I was feeling less than stellar, Frank and I had decided to cap off our week of veganism (AND our 2 year anniversary!) with a special dinner at Candle 79, one of the best vegetarian restaurants in the city.

You can read about our wonderful experience at Candle 79 here, my blog with Frank (we did a recap on our vegan week).

It's now been a full week since I went vegan, and I've gotta say - I'm sticking with it! I embarked on this experiment to see if I would experience any positive health benefits and I can say without hesitation that YES! I have! I have more energy, and I've lost a couple of pounds. Plus, in doing this, I've learned a lot about the icky things that go on in factory farms. It's gross, and it's bad for the environment. I'll refrain from stepping on the soapbox, but if you're curious, definately make a stop here - Frank's dad makes a very good case for going vegan in today's blog entry. Cow farts and burps! Damaging the environment! Read for yourself!

The vegan experiment: Day 3

Day 3

Breakfast - Woke up...sore. Very sore. Apparently I forgot to stretch before my little run yesterday. Hobbled into work armed with a soy yogurt to try for breakfast. My enthusiasm for experimentation had been dampened a little by yesterday's rice yogurt disappointment, but I was determined to try. I opened it, and was disheartened to find that it was a dingy beige color (it was strawberry flavored). The consistency was encouraging, though - it actually had the thickness of regular yogurt. I braced myself and took a bite. Not...half...bad! If you don't actually look at it while you're eating, it's pretty decent! I tried to tell myself that years of artificial coloring had twisted my perception of what color food actually is - it doesn't have to be pink to taste like strawberry. After I crossed that mental hurdle, I actually enjoyed it. I had some raspberries, too (hm...noticing a trend here...)


Snack 1 - Had an apricot and a mango. Then an apple with some honey. I am kind of burnt out on almonds at this point. I'm lucky because there's a fruit stand downstairs at my work, so I can change things up when I get bored (but I'm pretty loyal to the raspberries).

Lunch - Had the same salad as Monday, but today added some beans and avacado. After chatting with a vegetarian co-worker, she suggested I add more protein to my salad. There must be something to that, because I didn't get hungry until I was home! No real "snack 2" today!

Dinner - Had hummus and 1/2 a pita, then some potato and leek soup. Oh yeah, Frank and I bought a watermelon at the store, and we both ate a bunch of it when we got home. I also picked up an Amy's frozen meal in case I have trouble tomorrow...

...which brings me to my first real challenge - tomorrow night's dinner. I'm hoping they have some kind of vegetable that hasn't been cooked in butter, but I'm not going to count on it. I wonder if I can fit some raspberries in my evening bag...

A funny side note - tonight Frank came home from work and had one of those gross rice yogurts. And he actually liked it! Gah! Lucky for me, he wasn't a huge fan of the soy yogurt, so I guess I'll take that off his hands (we can swap). Also, a co-worker of mine lent me her copy of "Skinny Bitch", which has been a really funny, quick read. I thought it was just going to be about healthy eating and exercise, but it actually promotes a vegan lifestyle! I just finished the chapter on dairy, and to quote them directly, "You will pee in your pants when you see how much weight you lose from giving up dairy." (Yeah, they're not exactly shrinking violets, so be warned before you pick up the book - they really like the F word, and they will make repeated references to your "fat/sorry ass" and "shitty/horrendous diet". Not for the feint of heart.)

The vegan experiment: Day 2

Day 2

Breakfast - I woke up early and hit the gym. I was feeling pretty good so I ran for 2 miles on the treadmill. Then I rode my bike into work (another 2 miles), so I was ravenous by the time I got in. I brought some rice yogurt to try for breakfast, and eagerly opened it up. Gaaa! Gross! On every possible level - gross! Looks - like mucus! Smells - reeeally, reeeeally yogurt-y. Very pungent. Tastes - just like it looks and smells. Totally nasty. I had to toss it. I ended up having a Gnu Fiber bar and some raspberries for breakfast...

Snack 1 - ...which kept me feeling full for all of about 45 minutes. So I had some blueberries I brought in before breaking into my lunch (soy cheese sandwich) early.

(Actual) lunch - Had some spicy thai soup, which was okay. Had to eat some almonds to stave off hunger, though.

Snack 2 - OMG I LOVE SOY PUDDING! This stuff is GREAT! As in - I could probably swap it with regular pudding and no one would be able to tell (except for the fact that it has "Zen Soy" printed all over the package). Also had a little vegan snickerdoodle cookie, which was totally decent. After work, I grabbed some pita and hummus and fixed some edamame, which I shared with Frank when he got home. Frank (who is also going vegan this week) wasn't feeling that great today. He said he had a headache and was feeling tired. I thought it was stress. He thought it was lack of meat. Meat withdrawl, if you will. Hm. For the record, I feel swell.

Dinner - Headed across the street to my local falafel joint and got a falafel salad. Frank had some fake vegan chicken (he let me try it - it was pretty good! creepily enough, they actually emulated the texture of cooked chicken very closely!), which seemed to help with his meat withdrawl. Frank hit the soy ice cream, but I'm pretty full.

When I tell people about my attempt to go vegan, I often get the response - "Wow. That's going to be really hard." So far, I've been kind of surprised at how easy it's been. It's only been a couple of days, though, and some real challenges lie ahead (a fancy dinner out on Thursday - it's a sit-down corporate affair, so we'll be lucky if there's even a vegetarian option). However, I'm determined, and as anyone who's ever seen me dig my heels in knows, this means I WILL do this.

On a final note - last night, I saw something on television that said, "If God didn't want us to eat animals, He wouldn't have made them out of meat." Huh? What are humans made out of?

The Vegan Experiment: Day 1

Exhibit A: The Fuzzie-Wuzzies

For most of my life, I equated veganism with an image of an under-nourished, over-educated, smelly population of preachy hippies/militant activists. Over time, my worldview has expanded somewhat (although I am still annoyed by preachiness...and smelliness), and I now realize that there are some perfectly normal, healthy vegans out there. Today, I am becoming one of them.

My reasons for attempting this experiment are twofold: First, I'm interested to see if I experience an improvement in my overall health, and second, because I watched the latest episode of "30 Days" and got upset about the treatment of the fuzzie-wuzzies. So, for the next week (at least), I am setting aside my deep attachment to cheese and all things cheese-related (oh yeah, and all other foods originating in or having anything to do with animals). I will be documenting my efforts here for the education and/or amusement of the masses. Bon appetit.

Day 1:

Breakfast - Stood with my coffee (with soy creamer), examining the ingredients list on a box of Life cereal before realizing I had no soy milk at my disposal (and hazelnut-flavored soy coffee creamer might not blend well with the delicate flavors of Life cereal). Abandoned Life completely for instant oatmeal (prepared with water).

Snack 1 - Around 11, start rooting around the snack cabinet at work. Find some raw almonds and a plum. Eat them while thinking longingly of my usual snack (string cheese).

Noon - Realize with no small amount of horror that chocolate is made with milk and thereby is decidedly not vegan. Fight the urge to weep.

Lunch - Mixed greens salad with cherry tomatoes, alfalfa sprouts, cucumber, and tofu. Yes, tofu. Tossed with enough balsalmic to disguise disappointing blandness of tofu.

Snack 2 - Am distraught to learn that my favorite flavor of Pop Chips contains milk. Exchange them for the much-less-flavorful (but still satisfying) "original" version. Eyeball the Babybel cheese mini-wheel in the fridge covetously, but resist. Must...think...about...the...fuzzie...wuzzies...

After work, I walked home and perused the contents of our fridge while having some pita and olive hummus. Other than that, there wasn't much in the way of vegan food in our place. When Frank came home, we took a field trip to our local health food store and loaded up with...SOY! Lots and lots of soy. Soy ice cream. Soy yogurt. Soy cheese. Soy milk. Some of it is going to be necessary to get through this week, other stuff we thought sounded cool and just wanted to try (vegan cookies! why the hell not?). We came home, inspected our pile of vegan booty with satisfaction and dove in. I had an Amy's Indian Burrito for dinner (weird, but good - spinach, tofu and Indian spices). I was thinking earlier that I might cap the night off with some soy ice cream, but I'm kind of all set with soy right now.

So far, so good! We'll see what tomorrow brings, but tonight, at least, I can sleep the sleep of the morally superior (Ha! Just kidding! Not preaching! No preaching here!)...

Karaoke, wishes and airport nudity

Frank and I have had an eventful week. On Tuesday, we went out to the same bars we went to for our first date (ya, we're cheezy and we're okay with that) and did some karaoke! The first place we went (which was actually the 2nd place we went on our first date after we both decided the SoHo Grand was too uppity), Keats, now offers Rock Band Wednesdays, so FrankenMeg (also the name of our Rock Band band) will be making its LIVE debut one Wednesday soon! Our neighbors will be much relieved to learn we have found a new venue.

Last night, we went to the Make-A-Wish gala at Cipriani's on Wall Street. It was very posh but surprisingly pretty fun. Nigel Barker from "America's Next Top Model" was there, serving as the emcee. He pimped himself out for a couple dinners to support the foundation, and was a really good sport! My co-worker ambushed him with a camera when he was on his way out (also a good sport about that), so pics will follow soon (there are also some very rare shots of Frank Wearing a Suit - the odds of getting one of these rivals getting a clear shot of Big Foot so I WILL be posting them in triplicate when I get them).

In other random news...

Frank pointed out a very disturbing news item to me this morning. Apparently, airports are replacing the traditional pat-down screening method for a much more invasive technique:

http://www.news8.net/news/stories/0608/526343.html

They put you in a little box and give you a full-body X-ray, when enables them to clearly see any weapons and/or explosives you have hidden on your person...oh yeah, and all your cash and prizes. Your face is blurred so the screeners can't see that, but they'll be too busy "screening" your hoo-ha to be distracted by that anyway. This bothers me on several levels. I'd like to have some say in who sees me in the buff, and I can't help but think this power will be easily abused (and possibly create a whole new genre of online porn). At the moment, you do have the choice to opt out of it and go for the old-fashioned fully-clothed frisk (which suddenly seems pretty PG in comparison), so exhibitionists only need apply. Who knows what the future holds, though... "Remember the good old days when we just had to take off our shoes to get through security?"

Also found this video very interesting yesterday:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQgJl9d5KCQ

Moveon.org is raising money to air it in the swing states...

That's it for now! Check back for pics and new updates!

I Want My Bad TV

I don't quite know how it happened, but somehow, in recent weeks, I've gotten sucked into the soulless abyss that is television. I am ashamed of this, and you will soon see why.

I'm not watching "GlobeTrotter" (or whatever it's called), diligently taking notes on faraway lands and foreign customs. I'm not watching "30 Minute Meals", learning how to whip up healthy meals for my loved ones (this one is mainly because Rachel Ray scares me in a way I can't really explain). I'm not watching The News, or the weather. I'm not watching sports, or learning how to decoupage my coffee table. I'm closing my blinds, locking my door, and watching "Rock of Love". There, I said it.













Bad assssssss.



For some reason, the weekly spectacle of aging barflies throwing themselves at a botoxed glam rocker never fails to draw me in. I think what gets me has more to do with Bret Michael's attempts at sincerity than any of the leathery skanks' maneuvers to become the Alpha Skank who will, for all eternity, "Rock his world" (his words). Alone with the camera (and, ostensibly, a small army of make-up artists and hair people), he heaves great sighs, twists his face (as much as the atrophied muscles will allow) into pained expressions, and in general, takes the whole situation very, very seriously. And it is freakin' hilarious. So as he suffers on, my amusement continues and I've got to applaud either his acting talent, or his desperation to revive his career. Either way, a word to the wise, Bret: I realize that every rose has its thorn, but these broads appear to have several. Thorns, that is (as well as VDs).

My other guilty pleasure at the moment is the trainwreck that is "The Pick-Up Artist". Somehow, this guy:




...convinced someone that he actually knew something about chicks. More specifically, that he was a master at picking them up. Hahaha!! I'm sorry! I just can't stop laughing. Maybe it's the ridiculous hats, or the "I raided Perry Ferrell's closet" wardrobe, but I'm just not convinced that this guy is a master pick-up artist. A master warlock in the "Magic" game in his mom's basement, yes. But a wizard in the ways of women? Hahaha!

For the show, he amassed a small group of self-professed dorks to school in the art of romance. From all over the country they came, abandoning D & D games, TiVo'ing Star Trek reruns, and pausing their games of "Doom" to learn how to score with chicks. Or at least talk to them. They eagerly gather around The Pasty One, hungry for his sage advice. And what does he do? He gives them a few quick pointers (mostly corny one-liners) and turns them loose in a bar filled with co-eds. Let the awkwardness begin!

I'll close on that note, as I believe there is a very interesting show about sharks or something on the Discovery channel right now. Which will do just fine to while away the hours and minutes until "Rock of Love" or "The Pick-up Artist" are on again. Yours in soul-sucking entertainment,

Meg

p.s. At least I'm not watching "The Hills" - I must have some modicum of taste left, somewhere...