The vegan experiment: Day 2

Day 2

Breakfast - I woke up early and hit the gym. I was feeling pretty good so I ran for 2 miles on the treadmill. Then I rode my bike into work (another 2 miles), so I was ravenous by the time I got in. I brought some rice yogurt to try for breakfast, and eagerly opened it up. Gaaa! Gross! On every possible level - gross! Looks - like mucus! Smells - reeeally, reeeeally yogurt-y. Very pungent. Tastes - just like it looks and smells. Totally nasty. I had to toss it. I ended up having a Gnu Fiber bar and some raspberries for breakfast...

Snack 1 - ...which kept me feeling full for all of about 45 minutes. So I had some blueberries I brought in before breaking into my lunch (soy cheese sandwich) early.

(Actual) lunch - Had some spicy thai soup, which was okay. Had to eat some almonds to stave off hunger, though.

Snack 2 - OMG I LOVE SOY PUDDING! This stuff is GREAT! As in - I could probably swap it with regular pudding and no one would be able to tell (except for the fact that it has "Zen Soy" printed all over the package). Also had a little vegan snickerdoodle cookie, which was totally decent. After work, I grabbed some pita and hummus and fixed some edamame, which I shared with Frank when he got home. Frank (who is also going vegan this week) wasn't feeling that great today. He said he had a headache and was feeling tired. I thought it was stress. He thought it was lack of meat. Meat withdrawl, if you will. Hm. For the record, I feel swell.

Dinner - Headed across the street to my local falafel joint and got a falafel salad. Frank had some fake vegan chicken (he let me try it - it was pretty good! creepily enough, they actually emulated the texture of cooked chicken very closely!), which seemed to help with his meat withdrawl. Frank hit the soy ice cream, but I'm pretty full.

When I tell people about my attempt to go vegan, I often get the response - "Wow. That's going to be really hard." So far, I've been kind of surprised at how easy it's been. It's only been a couple of days, though, and some real challenges lie ahead (a fancy dinner out on Thursday - it's a sit-down corporate affair, so we'll be lucky if there's even a vegetarian option). However, I'm determined, and as anyone who's ever seen me dig my heels in knows, this means I WILL do this.

On a final note - last night, I saw something on television that said, "If God didn't want us to eat animals, He wouldn't have made them out of meat." Huh? What are humans made out of?

The Vegan Experiment: Day 1

Exhibit A: The Fuzzie-Wuzzies

For most of my life, I equated veganism with an image of an under-nourished, over-educated, smelly population of preachy hippies/militant activists. Over time, my worldview has expanded somewhat (although I am still annoyed by preachiness...and smelliness), and I now realize that there are some perfectly normal, healthy vegans out there. Today, I am becoming one of them.

My reasons for attempting this experiment are twofold: First, I'm interested to see if I experience an improvement in my overall health, and second, because I watched the latest episode of "30 Days" and got upset about the treatment of the fuzzie-wuzzies. So, for the next week (at least), I am setting aside my deep attachment to cheese and all things cheese-related (oh yeah, and all other foods originating in or having anything to do with animals). I will be documenting my efforts here for the education and/or amusement of the masses. Bon appetit.

Day 1:

Breakfast - Stood with my coffee (with soy creamer), examining the ingredients list on a box of Life cereal before realizing I had no soy milk at my disposal (and hazelnut-flavored soy coffee creamer might not blend well with the delicate flavors of Life cereal). Abandoned Life completely for instant oatmeal (prepared with water).

Snack 1 - Around 11, start rooting around the snack cabinet at work. Find some raw almonds and a plum. Eat them while thinking longingly of my usual snack (string cheese).

Noon - Realize with no small amount of horror that chocolate is made with milk and thereby is decidedly not vegan. Fight the urge to weep.

Lunch - Mixed greens salad with cherry tomatoes, alfalfa sprouts, cucumber, and tofu. Yes, tofu. Tossed with enough balsalmic to disguise disappointing blandness of tofu.

Snack 2 - Am distraught to learn that my favorite flavor of Pop Chips contains milk. Exchange them for the much-less-flavorful (but still satisfying) "original" version. Eyeball the Babybel cheese mini-wheel in the fridge covetously, but resist. Must...think...about...the...fuzzie...wuzzies...

After work, I walked home and perused the contents of our fridge while having some pita and olive hummus. Other than that, there wasn't much in the way of vegan food in our place. When Frank came home, we took a field trip to our local health food store and loaded up with...SOY! Lots and lots of soy. Soy ice cream. Soy yogurt. Soy cheese. Soy milk. Some of it is going to be necessary to get through this week, other stuff we thought sounded cool and just wanted to try (vegan cookies! why the hell not?). We came home, inspected our pile of vegan booty with satisfaction and dove in. I had an Amy's Indian Burrito for dinner (weird, but good - spinach, tofu and Indian spices). I was thinking earlier that I might cap the night off with some soy ice cream, but I'm kind of all set with soy right now.

So far, so good! We'll see what tomorrow brings, but tonight, at least, I can sleep the sleep of the morally superior (Ha! Just kidding! Not preaching! No preaching here!)...

Karaoke, wishes and airport nudity

Frank and I have had an eventful week. On Tuesday, we went out to the same bars we went to for our first date (ya, we're cheezy and we're okay with that) and did some karaoke! The first place we went (which was actually the 2nd place we went on our first date after we both decided the SoHo Grand was too uppity), Keats, now offers Rock Band Wednesdays, so FrankenMeg (also the name of our Rock Band band) will be making its LIVE debut one Wednesday soon! Our neighbors will be much relieved to learn we have found a new venue.

Last night, we went to the Make-A-Wish gala at Cipriani's on Wall Street. It was very posh but surprisingly pretty fun. Nigel Barker from "America's Next Top Model" was there, serving as the emcee. He pimped himself out for a couple dinners to support the foundation, and was a really good sport! My co-worker ambushed him with a camera when he was on his way out (also a good sport about that), so pics will follow soon (there are also some very rare shots of Frank Wearing a Suit - the odds of getting one of these rivals getting a clear shot of Big Foot so I WILL be posting them in triplicate when I get them).

In other random news...

Frank pointed out a very disturbing news item to me this morning. Apparently, airports are replacing the traditional pat-down screening method for a much more invasive technique:

http://www.news8.net/news/stories/0608/526343.html

They put you in a little box and give you a full-body X-ray, when enables them to clearly see any weapons and/or explosives you have hidden on your person...oh yeah, and all your cash and prizes. Your face is blurred so the screeners can't see that, but they'll be too busy "screening" your hoo-ha to be distracted by that anyway. This bothers me on several levels. I'd like to have some say in who sees me in the buff, and I can't help but think this power will be easily abused (and possibly create a whole new genre of online porn). At the moment, you do have the choice to opt out of it and go for the old-fashioned fully-clothed frisk (which suddenly seems pretty PG in comparison), so exhibitionists only need apply. Who knows what the future holds, though... "Remember the good old days when we just had to take off our shoes to get through security?"

Also found this video very interesting yesterday:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQgJl9d5KCQ

Moveon.org is raising money to air it in the swing states...

That's it for now! Check back for pics and new updates!

I Want My Bad TV

I don't quite know how it happened, but somehow, in recent weeks, I've gotten sucked into the soulless abyss that is television. I am ashamed of this, and you will soon see why.

I'm not watching "GlobeTrotter" (or whatever it's called), diligently taking notes on faraway lands and foreign customs. I'm not watching "30 Minute Meals", learning how to whip up healthy meals for my loved ones (this one is mainly because Rachel Ray scares me in a way I can't really explain). I'm not watching The News, or the weather. I'm not watching sports, or learning how to decoupage my coffee table. I'm closing my blinds, locking my door, and watching "Rock of Love". There, I said it.













Bad assssssss.



For some reason, the weekly spectacle of aging barflies throwing themselves at a botoxed glam rocker never fails to draw me in. I think what gets me has more to do with Bret Michael's attempts at sincerity than any of the leathery skanks' maneuvers to become the Alpha Skank who will, for all eternity, "Rock his world" (his words). Alone with the camera (and, ostensibly, a small army of make-up artists and hair people), he heaves great sighs, twists his face (as much as the atrophied muscles will allow) into pained expressions, and in general, takes the whole situation very, very seriously. And it is freakin' hilarious. So as he suffers on, my amusement continues and I've got to applaud either his acting talent, or his desperation to revive his career. Either way, a word to the wise, Bret: I realize that every rose has its thorn, but these broads appear to have several. Thorns, that is (as well as VDs).

My other guilty pleasure at the moment is the trainwreck that is "The Pick-Up Artist". Somehow, this guy:




...convinced someone that he actually knew something about chicks. More specifically, that he was a master at picking them up. Hahaha!! I'm sorry! I just can't stop laughing. Maybe it's the ridiculous hats, or the "I raided Perry Ferrell's closet" wardrobe, but I'm just not convinced that this guy is a master pick-up artist. A master warlock in the "Magic" game in his mom's basement, yes. But a wizard in the ways of women? Hahaha!

For the show, he amassed a small group of self-professed dorks to school in the art of romance. From all over the country they came, abandoning D & D games, TiVo'ing Star Trek reruns, and pausing their games of "Doom" to learn how to score with chicks. Or at least talk to them. They eagerly gather around The Pasty One, hungry for his sage advice. And what does he do? He gives them a few quick pointers (mostly corny one-liners) and turns them loose in a bar filled with co-eds. Let the awkwardness begin!

I'll close on that note, as I believe there is a very interesting show about sharks or something on the Discovery channel right now. Which will do just fine to while away the hours and minutes until "Rock of Love" or "The Pick-up Artist" are on again. Yours in soul-sucking entertainment,

Meg

p.s. At least I'm not watching "The Hills" - I must have some modicum of taste left, somewhere...

A (Rhetorical) Question for the Ages:

Are Japanese guys taking their fashion cues from Jon Bon Jovi, or is Jon Bon Jovi taking fashion cues from Japanese guys?






















I was pondering this, then I started getting a headache like the one I got when I tried to make sense of "The Lake House". I had to stop and focus on something less complex - like string theory - before my brain collapsed on itself like a dying star.

When Did I Get So Lame?

When I was 22, I found myself in the backseat of a sportscar that was tearing through dark, winding back roads, going about 80 mph. I was with my brother and his friends, who were all about 17 or 18, and I was the only one in the car that was genuinely terrified. As I clutched desperately to the door handle and fumbled to make sure my seatbelt was securely fastened, a realization hit me with the force of the oncoming semi I fully anticipated to be coming around every corner we whipped past. The halcyon days of youthful indistructability had somehow slipped by me. I hadn't even noticed. For a moment, my fear was replaced by an unfamiliar, aching longing - I think they call it nostalgia - as I tried in vain to muster up some teenage bravado.

Somehow, six years passed between that moment and the moment I experienced last night (no, we didn't get hit by a semi that night, but you can be sure I never got in a car with that lunatic kid again). I was online, and I came across a video of Mandi Moore doing a cover of Rhianna's "Umbrella" song. "I like Mandi Moore," I commented to my boyfriend as it played. "She's so wholesome." When it was done, I turned to him and said, "I liked that!" He turned in his chair to look at me with a bemused look on his face. He didn't have to say anything. Like a bolt of lightening, it struck me: "Oh my God. I'm lame."

My inner cool kid chafed at the suggestion that I might not be as hip as I used to be, and struggled to find evidence to the contrary. I'm still cool! Right? Right??

Hm. I had forced the boyfriend to sit through "Under the Tuscan Sun" earlier that day. That wasn't very cool of me. As I pondered it, more and more examples of my stodgyness sprang to mind:

I read labels. Not designer labels - the labels on food. I give a crap about calorie and fiber content.

I actually pay my bills. (Usually on time, too.)

I can't do shots of booze anymore. My body started rejecting the sudden influx of alcohol. I haven't yakked yet, but I always come close and vow Never To Do That Again while wiping the I-almost-just-puked tears from my eyes.

I go to the gym on a quasi-regular basis. I sometimes do yoga.

I normally don't get drunk on week nights. Sometimes, I just don't feel like going out. I'd rather stay at home and watch boob tube.

I go to the dentist twice a year.

I recently took down the Twister mat I was using as a wall hanging and replaced it with Actual Art.

I have a steady, corporate job that I don't actively hate. For the first time in many years, I don't dread the thought of going to work. It's not that I love it, I just don't mind it. Plus, it has a bitchin' 401K plan.

Maybe I have gone soft. Maybe I have lost the edginess of my youth. Know what, though? I don't really miss it. If you'll excuse me, I have to go floss now.

Welcome to New York (Now get the hell out of my way)

Welcome, Tourist, to our fair city. What in God's name compelled you to come to New York during the sweltering, stinking month of August is none of my business. Since there seem to be throngs of you filling the streets these days, I thought I'd do my part to make your experience better (for all of us). Below please find some Helpful Tips for Tourists:

1.) Have a plan. Eventually, the escalator or staircase will end. On the street, you will come to a corner. Do you go right? Left? Straight ahead? Gosh, Dorothy! So many choices! Here's a thought: Pick one. Any one. It's not a life-long committment. Pull over, then decided where you are and where you're going. Just get the hell out of my way.

2.) Praise the Lord and Pass The Ammunition. Maybe your church group has come to the city to spread the Good Word. Good for you. That's nice. But if all 15 of you decide to walk abreast down the sidewalk, I will push through your mass of matching t-shirts audibly muttering some decidedly unholy vexations that will have you praying for my mortal soul. You do not have a monopoly on the sidewalk. It's bad enough trying to weave through native stoller brigades - don't make the situation worse.

3.) You ain't in Kansas, anymore. You will pay AT LEAST $5 for a (domestic) beer, unless you happen upon an awesome Happy Hour (or you get lost and find yourself in a borough). Let that fact marinate in your brain for a bit before you arrive. New York is one of the most expensive cities in the country - hell, in the world. I understand that back home, you can get a sirloin steak with two sides, a beer, and a hooker for $12.99, but here life is different. You're lucky if you can get 2 beers for that price. I'm not condoning it, I'm not condemning it - I'm just letting you know. Don't let me hear you bitch about it, or I'll drag your ass to my friend's $1800/month studio apartment in the Village that could fit into your broom closet.

4.) Branch out. Please, Lord, don't let me see you in T.G.I. Friday's unless you're fresh off the plane from East Slavickstan and this is the first meal you haven't raised and butchered yourself. Same goes for McDonald's. It's the same crap you have back home, only it's overpriced. Your first step to getting some real food is getting as far away from Times Square as possible. If you're too scared to wander very far, try going to Hell's Kitchen (not as bad as it sounds. Really, it isn't.). Ninth Avenue isn't called "Restaurant Row" for nothing.

5.) Embrace your touristy-ness - Bust out that full-sized, MTA-issued Subway Map with gusto (provided you've Pulled The Hell Over first, that is)! Snap away with that FunSaver! Go to a Broadway show (please see something that didn't originate as a bad 70's concept album or something. I recommend "The Drowsy Chaperone". You can thank me later.)! Do the Statue, the Empire State, the Met! You are in one of the greatest cities in the world! Do a bunch of touristy shit, and do it with full-on, Gosh-This-Town-Sure-Is-Big enthusiasm. As much as I outwardly mock you, inwardly, I give you a Slow Clap.

6.) Don't be a sucker! Well, I'll modify that: Don't be too much of a sucker. Stick by the old adage: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. So, while the twitchy guy with the shifty look in his eyes down in Battery Park can give a hell of a sales pitch, the odds are extremely slim that those are real Oakleys. But you already knew that, right? So here's another hint: Wow. That copy of "Knocked Up" is only $5! What a steal! Yeah, if by "steal" you mean "hand-held theater recording with the bonus features of a built-in audience laugh track and the guy in front of the camera getting up to take a leak". Sweet, man. Oh, and buy that $2 "I Heart NY" t-shirt with full confidence that you will get exactly one wear out of it before your washing machine disentegrates it into pulpy mass of poly-thread.

7.) Don't be shy. If you find yourself strolling along in the West Village and suddenly realize that, while you thought you were headed north, you now seem to be headed south (or is it west? are you headed west?? how did that happen?), and wait, are there two Broadways? Where are you?? Ask someone. New Yorkers love giving directions. Just march right up to that guy wearing the mesh t-shirt and leather chaps and ask him to point you in the right direction. If he's any kind of New Yorker, not only can he set you back on the right course (usually giving you several options), but he can also recommend a great pizza place that you'll pass on the way.

I don't want to sound un-welcoming. I'm not - I know that tourists are the life-blood of This Great City that I love. I only hate you when I'm late for work and a hord of you are blocking my path. Bastards. Get the hell out of my way. Othewise, welcome. Enjoy your freakin' stay.